This week was one of those weeks where I burned out on the Boys Club. By the end of it I am not proud to say I was a crabby mess who just wanted to get away from work. The odd part about this was it had been a great week. I finished my first semester of my masters degree, had a fantastic performance review, and things are really going well. I just need a break from the boys.
There are days when being the only woman in my lab is like being slapped in the face over, and over again. There is no blatant sexism, there are just the little things that seem to pile up and this week the bucket overflowed.
Ever been oggled during a data review where you are just trying to do your job? Yep, twice this week. I made my lead go with me to the second data review since it was uncomfortable. Thankfully data reviews with that group are less frequent.
Ever had someone wave, walk right by, start to leave the room, then see your coworker and comment "oh, so there is someone who can help me!" This was concerning things that were more in my realm too.
Ever had people listen to you pitch slides but when questions arise they address them to your coworker? My coworker was only there to see what went on in data reviews. I was the "expert" in my system.
These are just some of the little slaps to the face. I have learned to tolerate most of them while working to change the tides. "Quit being such a girl about it" has already been removed from the collective vocabulary in the lab. To me part of being a woman in engineering is learning how to roll with some of the misunderstandings and keep going knowing that you are helping to make it better for both yourself and those behind you.
Somehow this week the bucket of tolerance was drained. I was tired of looking at the hierarchy in the lab that I have yet to break into. I was tired of seeing assignments handed to the other people and fighting for interesting work. I was tired of having things taken away when I ask for help. I was tired of being invisible. I was mostly just tired of it all.
Thankfully I have a boss who is awesome. She understands this battle since she has been here. I can talk to her without fear of things trickling back to the boys. She is proof that I can do this. She even told me to go home early Friday when I was burned out and on top of that offered to talk to call my lead to up date him on a test they were trying to run this weekend so I wouldn't have to talk to him. She's helped me learn how to deal with one of the guys , understating I wanted to learn how to stand up for myself and not have someone come save the day. I know I still have a lot left to learn from her, and I hope I can continue to do so.
Thankfully this week is another week. The holidays are coming up soon, and things are always getting better. I can only hope that one day the women behind me will not be facing these same battles.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Taken Care Of
Currently there is a kick of the guys saying they need to get me married off so I can "be taken care of". I has now happened enough that I cannot just push it off to something the guys say as a joke just to get my goat.
I've told them I do not need to be taken care of.
Another woman has told them I don't need to be taken care of.
Clearly they think I still do. Yes, there are some things my girly strength cannot do, like lift the ~60lb boxes of 13'' tapes. Yet there are a lot of things I can do, and when my (lack of) physical strength gets in the way, I figure out how to get around it.
I know I can take care of myself and I am exhausted of the implications that I cannot. I've moved half way across the country twice. I've lived away from family for the past five years. I am fairly certain at this point I can easily make it on my own.
Training seven guys how to work with a girl for the first time has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I still find it amazing that I am the first woman in the lab so I chalk most of the moments up to lack of understanding. Once I explain how things come off to me, most of them try to change. It helped fix the "quit being such a girl about it" comments, we'll see if it can fix this problem as well.
I've told them I do not need to be taken care of.
Another woman has told them I don't need to be taken care of.
Clearly they think I still do. Yes, there are some things my girly strength cannot do, like lift the ~60lb boxes of 13'' tapes. Yet there are a lot of things I can do, and when my (lack of) physical strength gets in the way, I figure out how to get around it.
I know I can take care of myself and I am exhausted of the implications that I cannot. I've moved half way across the country twice. I've lived away from family for the past five years. I am fairly certain at this point I can easily make it on my own.
Training seven guys how to work with a girl for the first time has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I still find it amazing that I am the first woman in the lab so I chalk most of the moments up to lack of understanding. Once I explain how things come off to me, most of them try to change. It helped fix the "quit being such a girl about it" comments, we'll see if it can fix this problem as well.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
9 months later
Some how it has been 9 months since I started working and about a year since I graduated college. A person at Olin said to me that as you grow up, time speeds up. I now fully understand the impact of that statement.
I still remember my first days at work, my first launches, and the uncertainty that seemed to follow me daily. Messing up data is a fairly big problem.
Nine months later I feel like I almost know what I am doing. Two weeks ago I ran my first operation on my own. All on my own. It was a Saturday. If things went bad it was me, myself, and a lot of luck. (and the guys at the site if we lost data) My lead claimed he was not even going to answer his phone if I called in a panic. A few hours after the test started he called to check in on me to make sure I was ok. Somehow I pulled things off.
I also recently have been accepted to graduate school and will be starting a masters degree in electrical engineering part time this fall. Add to this that I am planning on taking the FE exam in October if I get my act together and get the application in on time.
I feel like things are really settling in. I still may be learning daily but I feel like I can grasp what is going on without the deer in headlights look I had for the first few months. Last week's idiotic move was not using proper (com) net etiquette on a net that went both to the site and customers. I won a head lock and a hair mess up from my lead for that one. As I said to a guy at the site after that moment "that falls under things they don't teach you in college". Turns out in this industry/job most of my life is in that category. VMS, telemetry stream formats, processing, half of the specialized applications I use on a daily basis are all under "things they don't teach you in college".
I am continually thankful I work with a great group of guys and have both a boss and lead who are great people. It really is the people who make the job, not the work. They all know I still only have half a clue what is going on. My boss remembers her first few years and is willing to help me figure out how to get things done and even grease the wheels when things need to get done quickly. My lead is fantastic at teaching, even if he grumbles about it some days.
The best part about this? I am giving a presentation at a data review in the morning. Olin prepared me for a lot of presentations, but not ones that have this much hanging on them. I keep thinking of SCOPE Expo with higher stakes. At least this time I can show up in jeans, leave after I present, and I bring backup to help with questions.
I still remember my first days at work, my first launches, and the uncertainty that seemed to follow me daily. Messing up data is a fairly big problem.
Nine months later I feel like I almost know what I am doing. Two weeks ago I ran my first operation on my own. All on my own. It was a Saturday. If things went bad it was me, myself, and a lot of luck. (and the guys at the site if we lost data) My lead claimed he was not even going to answer his phone if I called in a panic. A few hours after the test started he called to check in on me to make sure I was ok. Somehow I pulled things off.
I also recently have been accepted to graduate school and will be starting a masters degree in electrical engineering part time this fall. Add to this that I am planning on taking the FE exam in October if I get my act together and get the application in on time.
I feel like things are really settling in. I still may be learning daily but I feel like I can grasp what is going on without the deer in headlights look I had for the first few months. Last week's idiotic move was not using proper (com) net etiquette on a net that went both to the site and customers. I won a head lock and a hair mess up from my lead for that one. As I said to a guy at the site after that moment "that falls under things they don't teach you in college". Turns out in this industry/job most of my life is in that category. VMS, telemetry stream formats, processing, half of the specialized applications I use on a daily basis are all under "things they don't teach you in college".
I am continually thankful I work with a great group of guys and have both a boss and lead who are great people. It really is the people who make the job, not the work. They all know I still only have half a clue what is going on. My boss remembers her first few years and is willing to help me figure out how to get things done and even grease the wheels when things need to get done quickly. My lead is fantastic at teaching, even if he grumbles about it some days.
The best part about this? I am giving a presentation at a data review in the morning. Olin prepared me for a lot of presentations, but not ones that have this much hanging on them. I keep thinking of SCOPE Expo with higher stakes. At least this time I can show up in jeans, leave after I present, and I bring backup to help with questions.
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Range Is Not All About Shuttle
It has taken a nose dive into the expendable launch vehicle world for me to see that the world of rocketry does not revolve around the space shuttle. Shuttle is the most visible, but Atlas and Delta are the work horses of the US space program.
When the range was booked with an Atlas V launch, Shuttle, and then a Delta IV launch all within four days. Delta held its own until it slipped even though it had been asked to move previously. When Atlas scrubbed the sense I got from the news, and social media was that Atlas should have yielded to the range to shuttle, stood down, allowed shuttle to launch, and then made their attempt. It shouldn't have even made that first attempt.
Excuse me?
Atlas had the range before shuttle, they were ready to fly. Delta also should not have been asked to move. They had the range before shuttle. Yet there was an outcry that both should have moved.
This leaves me confused. Yes, manned programs may be the most visible programs from the public but the other programs are just as valuable. Look at the history of the manned space flight program and there is Atlas right at the start. The rovers wouldn't be on Mars without the Delta program. Unmanned flight has allowed us to explore further than the Moon and LEO. An Atlas V sent a probe to Pluto where we cannot dream of sending humans at the moment; Delta launched Kepler which is searching for more Earth-like planets.
I have nothing against the manned space flight program (it got me into science in the first place, and I will be eternally thankful for that); I just challenge everyone who holds it as the pinnacle of the industry to look further. Do not hold the manned program above the unmanned programs. Both have made their contributions and created inspiration. Shuttle cannot keep up with the launch rate of the unmanned programs, but the unmanned programs do not have the human exploration element.
I will now jump off my soap box.
When the range was booked with an Atlas V launch, Shuttle, and then a Delta IV launch all within four days. Delta held its own until it slipped even though it had been asked to move previously. When Atlas scrubbed the sense I got from the news, and social media was that Atlas should have yielded to the range to shuttle, stood down, allowed shuttle to launch, and then made their attempt. It shouldn't have even made that first attempt.
Excuse me?
Atlas had the range before shuttle, they were ready to fly. Delta also should not have been asked to move. They had the range before shuttle. Yet there was an outcry that both should have moved.
This leaves me confused. Yes, manned programs may be the most visible programs from the public but the other programs are just as valuable. Look at the history of the manned space flight program and there is Atlas right at the start. The rovers wouldn't be on Mars without the Delta program. Unmanned flight has allowed us to explore further than the Moon and LEO. An Atlas V sent a probe to Pluto where we cannot dream of sending humans at the moment; Delta launched Kepler which is searching for more Earth-like planets.
I have nothing against the manned space flight program (it got me into science in the first place, and I will be eternally thankful for that); I just challenge everyone who holds it as the pinnacle of the industry to look further. Do not hold the manned program above the unmanned programs. Both have made their contributions and created inspiration. Shuttle cannot keep up with the launch rate of the unmanned programs, but the unmanned programs do not have the human exploration element.
I will now jump off my soap box.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Ares I-X
Ares I-X went off over a week ago and it marked a good day in the lab despite a nasty snow storm outside.
It went off on its second attempt after being foiled by ships, triboelectrification (that brings back memories from NASA's spaceflight hardware handling certification class), and a cover protecting sensors on the top of the vehicle. The guys supporting the launch on our side had been in since 11 pm for two nights in a row so things were pretty goofy when we actually launched around 9:30 am.
Ares I-X was based on Atlas hardware so my lab supported the launch and is doing some data processing. I'm not sure to what extent we're doing things since I'm knee deep in preparing for WGS SV-3 and WISE.
When the launch went off everyone in my lab gathered around our TVs with 9 feeds on each of them to watch it with the com system screaming in the background tuned to the main nets. We all wanted to witness the little bit of history that was being made no matter which way it went.
It was that day that I learned that despite being called "girly girl" and being the only girl in the lab, I have become a part of the lab. The guys take great pride in playing jokes on each other and I walked in that day to find one pulled on me. My space heater was hidden away in its drawer like it is every night when I left the night before. If you know my lab, the heater is a requisite since the lab hovers around 62 deg F all the time due to the servers and other equipment we have. I walked in that morning to find my heater replaced by the box it came in. The heater was missing. Let me refer to Sayings of Mark Chapter 1, to explain how the other two people with heaters in my organization and I feel about our heaters: "Never get between a woman and her heater" . I walked out of my cube with my empty box slightly annoyed to find Roger and Mark laughing like crazy waiting for me to discover my missing heater. The initial blame went to Roger who is always up to something. This left Mark with an evil grin still laughing. His only response was "Girly, are you sure it's missing?"
I go back to my cube, still without a heater. I finally look at shelves that are above my head (so clearly there is nothing on there since I cannot reach it) and find the heater.
I did get a good laugh out of it. Putting something right where I can see it but never think to look is brilliant.
With the first prank, I think I fit into the lab and no longer intimate the guys. Early on I was told I was intimidating since I was the first female the lab had ever had. They just didn't know how to deal with me. Clearly they are at least learning how to deal with me if they haven't fully figured it out already.
The next month may be a little crazy since we have two launches close together, but hopefully they will not seek holidays as launches have in the past. I know at least one of them is one where I wish I could sleep shift.
It went off on its second attempt after being foiled by ships, triboelectrification (that brings back memories from NASA's spaceflight hardware handling certification class), and a cover protecting sensors on the top of the vehicle. The guys supporting the launch on our side had been in since 11 pm for two nights in a row so things were pretty goofy when we actually launched around 9:30 am.
Ares I-X was based on Atlas hardware so my lab supported the launch and is doing some data processing. I'm not sure to what extent we're doing things since I'm knee deep in preparing for WGS SV-3 and WISE.
When the launch went off everyone in my lab gathered around our TVs with 9 feeds on each of them to watch it with the com system screaming in the background tuned to the main nets. We all wanted to witness the little bit of history that was being made no matter which way it went.
It was that day that I learned that despite being called "girly girl" and being the only girl in the lab, I have become a part of the lab. The guys take great pride in playing jokes on each other and I walked in that day to find one pulled on me. My space heater was hidden away in its drawer like it is every night when I left the night before. If you know my lab, the heater is a requisite since the lab hovers around 62 deg F all the time due to the servers and other equipment we have. I walked in that morning to find my heater replaced by the box it came in. The heater was missing. Let me refer to Sayings of Mark Chapter 1, to explain how the other two people with heaters in my organization and I feel about our heaters: "Never get between a woman and her heater" . I walked out of my cube with my empty box slightly annoyed to find Roger and Mark laughing like crazy waiting for me to discover my missing heater. The initial blame went to Roger who is always up to something. This left Mark with an evil grin still laughing. His only response was "Girly, are you sure it's missing?"
I go back to my cube, still without a heater. I finally look at shelves that are above my head (so clearly there is nothing on there since I cannot reach it) and find the heater.
I did get a good laugh out of it. Putting something right where I can see it but never think to look is brilliant.
With the first prank, I think I fit into the lab and no longer intimate the guys. Early on I was told I was intimidating since I was the first female the lab had ever had. They just didn't know how to deal with me. Clearly they are at least learning how to deal with me if they haven't fully figured it out already.
The next month may be a little crazy since we have two launches close together, but hopefully they will not seek holidays as launches have in the past. I know at least one of them is one where I wish I could sleep shift.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Somehow I Get Paid To Do This
Photo Credit: ULAToday I supported my second launch, Worldview-2 off SLC-2w at 281:18:51:00. And with it I realized things are really settling into place. I handled most of the processing myself, with only a glitch in creating archives thanks to the calibration files.
Work is still going really well. The lab is shaping up to be a great group of guys, and we always manage to have a good time, even if it is 6 am and we've been at work since 1 am. I'm learning how to wrestle patch panels, play back 12'' analog tapes, and deal with data recording. My lab lead has taught me all this in a very Olin style of spiral learning. The second I figure out what I'm doing in one area of the data station I'm tossed into the next. I have a feeling I'll soon be dealing with the decommutators for our live data streams. I am thankful I learned how to swim in the deep end early on in life since panic has been minimal at each new turn.
I'm meeting with Ben over lunch on Monday since despite settling in to work, I still need the best outside voice I have found. After STSS Demo Ben sent a surprise "Congratulations" email which was one of the best congratulations I got. He has also been an amazing amount of help with the move and my general, "so I'm now living in Colorado, how do I?" questions. I still cannot believe it has been over two years since I first met him. I am amazingly lucky to have such an awesome mentor in my life.
Friday, September 25, 2009
This is why my job is awesome
This morning was my first launch, STSS Demo launched on a Delta II out of CCAFS on SLC-17B at 268:12:20:00 GMT.
Even though I got into work at 12:30 am and left around 9 am, with little sleep beforehand, it was an amazing experience to be apart of a launch team. I reported to work an hour before the DLSC call to station and began processing data soon after. All of the live data was released today with bundles of data to be processed in the coming weeks. Worldview is also quickly approaching followed quickly by WGS-3.
Go Delta II and STSS Demo! You never forget your first!
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